Unfamiliar Spaces

I found myself,
in a little cafe out side of town.
Why am I here?
Why did I say those things to you?
Why am I aching to break,
to break away from you.

Away from everything I knew,
From all that I was.
I wanna start over,
I wanna make a new way-
Break through these barriers placed upon me.

I'm so sorry, I'm about to break your heart.
I'm so sorry, but you had to know of my compulsions from the start.
Oh and you gotta know, I tried so hard.
Oh you gotta know, I really wanted to stay,
But stayin' just ain't my way.

I've gotten coffee in a thousand places,
filled my tank in unfamiliar spaces,
but its the place I rested,
the place where I let my heart go,
that's the place I can never go back to.
Because, some people just don't have a home.
I can't have a home.

So knock that illusion out of your head,
your dream, my love, is dead.
Because it was hinged on me,
and baby, stable is something I just can't be.
But, I wish you the best, a life of the love and happiness.

Oh, the same old, same old happiness.

Something New

The moment it happened, 

I was changed.

I knew I had walked into a situation,

that would not only test me, 

but it would pull me apart.

Leaving me unrecognizable. 

It was the moment my eyes met yours. 

My heart seemed to stop and be reborn. 

It was in that moment that this fleeting, failing, fallen world 

suddenly took on a bright, youthful, mystical glow. 

There is goodness here still,

That much I know. 

A Journey

I found myself.
Alone, unknown.
To myself or any other.
So unfamiliar, yet freeing,
are these changes I see
taking place in me.

A freedom renewed,
A course found,
to venture forth-
destinations abound!
I no longer see lines, tempting me to cross,
I see experiences made to teach.

I find myself, surprised by a reflection unfamiliar.
I am a surprise,
I am full of love, passion, and
thirst.
But what is this anger,
anguish, and anticipation?

I lost my name,
A new one I gave myself.
You want to know?
No, I don't think so.
My secrets you'll never see.

These thoughts,
musings, mental meanderings,
they are my own.
Dare you venture the quest?
Surely, you have not the ability,
to look past yourself, into
the mystery of another's deep.

Oh, but I wish you could.

Catalina's Escape ~ Ch.1 ~ Accidentally Found

'The room is spinning. What dreadful spinning. What's that foul smell? Ugh, I'm laying in it. Oh, I shouldn't lift my head... Everything hurts. Can't move... Whats sitting on my chest? Oh, damn, The room wont stop spinning. That smell, vomit? Oh, I think I am going to be sick... who the hell is yelling?.' 

"Catalina!" Finding the door to their shared apartment ajar, Sadie eased it wide open, bracing herself for whatever might be beyond the threshold. "Cat! Where are you? Oh, God, what smells?" Covering her nose, she warily ventured through the dark kitchen, the shadows on the wall creating a sinister atmosphere. The kitchen cabinets and counters were a strange mess, as if they had been half-heartedly ransacked. Dread and adrenaline filled Sadie's veins. Intuitively, she knew what she was going to find... and she didn't like it. Nausea filled her as she turned to find her best friend of 10 years on the ground in front of her, vomit surrounding her. Trying her hardest not to get sick, Sadie ran to her friend, turning her over, she cleared an airway, and began to thrust her palms, one over the other, over Cat's heart... Thirty compressions... Breath... Thirty... Breath... "Help! Someone! HELP!".

'...Stop, oh please, stop screaming... Stop crying... oh, it hurts... Sadie? No... Just leave me alone... Please. Why can't I say anything? Sadie! SADIE! Oh... so, sick... ugh, my stomach. What the hell was I thinking? The spinning is getting worse, I feel like I am dying. Am I? I just want to pass out... Oh, another one is screaming... Everything... is... so...'

"Yes, a 23 year old female, Catalina Leigh, looks like she took a bottle of pills... What are they, Sadie?" Mrs. Albert, the neighbor, asked. "I don't know... The bottle should be somewhere..." After walking around for thirty seconds, she found it on the floor in the kitchen. "Looks like Oxycodone. Yes, she's performing CPR... Okay, I'll stay on the line... Yes, apartment three, like I said... Her breathing is shallow..." As Sadie was becoming more and more exhausted, Mrs. Albert's voice seemed to grow more distant.  All Sadie could manage to do was continue to mindlessly thrust her palms into Cat's chest... 'don't you die' she thought to herself, 'you don't get to die today!'. Suddenly, She couldn't hear voices any more, she wasn't even sure she was seeing anything... All she was doing was thrusting, and screaming in her head. She didn't even hear the medics and police enter the room. Suddenly, voices were yelling at her, trying to pry her away from Cat. "Miss, you can stop now... Ma'am you need to stop now!" For some reason, she couldn't register that they were there to help Cat, she fought them off as if they were a pack of vultures, while trying to continue CPR. But, suddenly the pale face of her best friend shocked her to the core- she was ghastly thin, with eyes rolling back and sick coming down her cheek. In a moment, Sadie seemed to lose all fight within her. Going limp, she fell to the ground,  her head throbbing violently, as she was reduced to tears of anguish. 

The Written Path: A Sojourn of the Soul

We are all amazing. We are brimming with infinite possibility. We start neutral, and with a dedicated (well, sometimes not so dedicated) and a delicate (or stormy) mixture of  nurture and nature. We find our preferences, our dreams, and our places in life. Some become evil, some good... and some not so easy to slap a title on. People are not simple. We are constantly changing, constantly fighting with ourselves. We all come to a point where we surprise ourselves, and even make ourselves sick with disappointment. But, I believe the key is to learn from all that we do- and use experience to progress.

Living life happily is not so simple. Some are born with a natural ability to be hedonistic. Which, unless it develops in to a narcissistic disorder, can be a tool in life- not to be tossed aside in disgust. Yes, there is a time and place for it, but it really is a great tool that helps people to continue on in life with out despair. By filling ourselves with things that quicken our pulse, make us excited, and tingle our taste buds, we reignite our youthful ability to relish enjoyment.

Where will my life go? The thought used to quicken my pulse... It used to inspire the most tangible dreams. But now, it terrifies me. Yesterday, I felt old, tired, ready to throw in the flag. Today (after a good sleep!), I feel renewed, ready to fight. Ready to live again, to make my dreams come true. I want to write, to inspire, to communicate, to thrill and terrify the world through words and emotion. I want to shock and reveal, to make people second guess themselves, and embrace more of who they really are.

We are limitless, yet we are fragile. We are seemingly "stuck" in ourselves, yet we have amazing abilities, that most of us are too ignorant of or terrified to explore.

Don't let yourself wilt without living, follow your intuition- its yours for a reason. please feel free to join me as I follow mine on this blog. There will be real stories of my life, musings, fiction and anything else I feel like conjuring up with the use of my finger tips.

Sincerely,
Karissa Rose